Finding Meaning

What does it mean to truly live? Is life even worth living?

My previous Medium post last month was quite bleak, elaborating on the topic of grief and managing one’s mental wellbeing while the world seemingly falls apart around us.

But we shouldn’t just leave it at just that. That’s no way to live. I ended off that post with this thought:

I just try to enjoy and cherish each day as it comes and goes, with whoever I am privileged enough to get to share it with. I think at the end of the day, that seems to be the only thing left to keep us going. This friendship, this feeling of warmth and belonging, to have loved and be loved, it’s enough for me.

This hints at the topic of discussion for this month. Regardless of the external circumstances we find ourselves in, there is much internal wrestling that goes on each day as well. We manage our emotions, we decide what attitude and actions to take on each day when we get out of bed (or choose not to), and we choose who to associate with, and spend our days with. In short, we need to internally construct meaning for ourselves — construct the meaning of our own individual life, and how we want to live it.

In this month’s post, I will elaborate on 3 scales in which these decisions manifest, and how we can attempt to construct positive meaning into different aspects of our lives — from trying to find our own direction in life, to managing our emotions and relationships with others, to thinking about how we navigate this increasingly volatile and depressing global landscape. Slowly diffusing this meaning-making out to include both our internal compass as well as our understanding of the world and those around us will, I believe, help us a great deal in making the most of our limited time on Earth, and allow us to live a life that is both fulfilling and most importantly, happy.

On the personal aspirational front

Out of the 3 scales, I think this might be the hardest one to deal with. How do we create a concrete direction to live out our lives, and how do we convince ourselves that this is indeed the right choice, out of the infinite permutations that are possible? I personally struggle with this from time to time too. And just yesterday, I also had a long conversation with an old friend who was feeling lost for this specific reason too. How can we find the drive to live and stick with this commitment throughout our long life course?

One key thing we need to do to orientate ourselves properly is to figure out what we value most. Trying to triangulate everything into a life philosophy, or what’s commonly known as an “ikigai”, is important for knowing yourself and what truly makes you happy. I’ve elaborated on this quite a bit in a separate Medium post, but some additional points I would highlight is this:

1. Yes, it is not easy. It takes a great deal of self-introspection and reflection over one’s entire life course, to identify the experiences and people that created the biggest impact on your life. What went right? What went wrong? We need to think through it all, and preferably write it down, to be able to visualise and put the pieces together.
2. Expanding on that last sentence, manifesting is important. Just having these thoughts remain in your head or heart is not going to help. Like a fleeting memory of your last meal, even the most enlightening reflections hold little significance and will be gone like the wind before you know it. The only thing that keeps them strongly rooted in your mind and your heart compass is a tangible form of remembrance. Write your thoughts, goals and directions down. Place these reflections somewhere where you will always see it. Make a vision board (Pinterest is great for this!). Writing it down solidifies your commitment to this vision, and gives it a tangible meaning in this world. It now exists, and you become even more driven to work towards it. The constant reminder is what makes it an aspiration, instead of just a temporary thought.
3. Hold yourself accountable. Check in with yourself every few months to see whether you have progressed productively towards this goal. Set a few alarms in your calendar, if you must. No one believes and is more invested in your success than yourself, so you must trust in yourself and make that commitment to be better — not for anyone else but for your own internal satisfaction. You can get friends and family to check in on your every now and then if you aren’t confident in yourself yet. Even the famous productivity YouTuber Thomas Frank needs this external check-in and validation too — he makes bets and promises to pay his friends real money if he doesn’t hit his intended progress goals. We don’t have to go that far, but having such a form of commitment is important in making sure that you put in the work, rather than abandoning it like we always do to our New Year’s Resolutions each year.
4. Acknowledge that it will change, and that’s perfectly alright. We are but humans, experiencing life, meeting new people, and exploring new places each and everyday. There’s no way our aspirations and outlooks on life don’t change throughout our life course. So don’t despair if a few years down the road, you realise that the goals you set 5 years ago don’t match your aspirations today. Most importantly, don’t see those 5 years as wasted time. All time spent chasing a dream is productive, meaningful and worth it. You learned, you experienced life to its fullest, and you can always look back fondly on these times, and be proud of how you pushed through all those obstacles in pursuit of that old goal. Move on to bigger and better things after that, and use those old experiences as fun stories to tell — an important chapter in your life story (most job interviewers would love to hear about it too!)

All in all, finding meaning in your life must always start from yourself. Look within and figure out what matters to you, and what you can do to achieve what you want. Remember: no goal is too small or unrealistic. Just take it step by step and use your interest and drive to live each day to its fullest, rather than lay down lost and bored with the world. That is how you bring in and construct your own meaningful life.

On the socio-emotional front

Like how I mentioned above that you can get people around you to hold you accountable for your personal goals, the social circles you choose to associate yourself with play very heavily into whether you are able to create a meaningful life for yourself.

Above all, you must surround yourself with people that inspire you to be better and that push you towards your aspirations. As much fun as it may be to have friends who are party animals or do nothing all day, recognise that the energy you take in will influence the energy you give out, and vice versa. I am by no means condoning partying or lying flat (referencing China’s emerging movement here), but like your diet, everything is bad in excess. It becomes a problem when all the people you associate yourself with have no direction in life. With no one to push you forward or hold you accountable, you risk falling into the same motions as them, complaining about life and giving up without having done anything to improve it.

Plenty of studies have shown how every person passionate about fitness most likely has is surrounded by friends who share a similar passion. We gravitate towards the behaviors of those around us. So, if you want to lose weight and become stronger, you need people around you who do the same and believe in you. The social relationships you forge can help to provide that additional push when your personal drive wavers. They help to attenuate any negative emotions and loss of motivation you may feel in the transient moment, giving you the strength to keep going. They also provide a constant reminder and benchmark of how hard to work, and how much more is needed to get from where you are to where you want to be (often, this finish line is based off our peers too!)

To cultivate a positive outlook on life, we need to surround ourselves with positive people. Hanging out with them, verbalising (and thus also manifesting!) your dreams and goals with them, and working together towards these goals — these are all important, productive actions that can pull you out of bed each morning, excited for a fruitful and exciting day ahead. Indeed, finding meaning means having something to look forward to each day. That relies on your own planning, and also the people you can expect to spend time with each day. Make it fun, but also fruitful and something that you can look back on 10 years later fondly with no regrets.

On the environmental front

This section can take on 2 angles. On one hand, I refer to the spaces we create for ourselves, which must be conducive for the pursuit of our goals and meaning-making endeavors. If we want to be more learned, borrow a bunch of books (physical or digital) from the library and place them somewhere prominent to remind yourself of this goal. Having reminders and alarms on your iPad to clock in a set number of hours of reading each day can help too. The audio-visual cues can help to prime us to make the most of our days. And having a nice reading nook to facilitate comfortable learning can help a great deal too. Creating this environment that fosters your personal development helps to reduce the inertia and barriers that may hold you back from the committed pursuit of your goals.

If you are able to, this could even take place on a much larger scale. Tired of city life and want to live a more slow-paced, intentional life? Move to the outskirts! Find a job that provides flexibility or interests development! Construct for yourself the best possible environment that can bring you the most joy and fulfillment. Of course, this requires a great deal of resources and privilege, but we can always do smaller scale efforts too — whatever is within reach. Baby steps are still steps, and this incremental progress and also end up snowballing into a much bigger impact in the long run.

Another angle I wanted to approach this section was looking at the environment in a very literal sense. This extends from yet another previous Medium post — the one right before this. For the young, especially, finding meaning in a world that is, quite literally, ending right before our very eyes, is incredibly difficult and mentally exhausting. Environmental degradation, war and famine, a global pandemic with no end in sight — there is so much that is out of our control, and even our own individual efforts to try and save the world are (1) difficult to sustain, and (2) completely insignificant in the face of larger systemic, structural causes of degradation. Climate grief is real, and it does have real impacts on our motivation and outlook on life.

I can’t really address point 2, since that is truly out of our hands. All we can do for that is to do our best to sustain activism and advocacy efforts — be an active participant, a beneficiary constituent, that puts in the work and can go to bed knowing you did your part in trying to conserve our planet for future generations. But how do we sustain these efforts, especially amidst the incredible difficulty in getting our voices heard? The first 2 sections can come into play here. Find a cause that truly tugs on your heartstrings (e.g. animal rights), and contribute to groups that push for action in this sphere (e.g. SPCA, WWF). Here, you will be able to, and almost immediately willing to, devote your time and energy to advocacy without feeling as if it were a chore. By enjoying and finding meaning in your efforts, you create meaning for your life as well. And in associating with these groups, you also end up forging close solidarity bonds with fellow members and constituents, which feed into your socio-emotional fulfilment and drive as well. So there is a way to make advocacy meaningful and enjoyable — no need for complete despair just yet.

On point 1, I think we need to cut ourselves some slack. As mentioned, the real culprits of climate change are the MNCs and institutions. As much as we feel a duty to try and cut out emissions, it is indeed true that there’s only so much impact an individual can have, and the difficulty in committing to a zero-waste lifestyle is no joke either. Sometimes we don’t have a choice in the things we have to buy and consume, sometimes there are no alternative, greener options available, and sometimes no one has any clue which even is the better alternative (plastic vs paper vs tote bags, anyone?).

For me, I just strive to consume less. That is the extent of my efforts. I do my best to reduce waste, but I don’t beat myself up if I end up using plastic. Let’s be real, zero-waste is a fallacy anyway — we will always produce waste, just how much. As long as I make some conscious effort to do research, to change my practices and attitudes, and to try and convince those around me to do the same, I can create meaning for myself and be satisfied knowing I did something, at least. Some examples:

1. Only use the bags (plastic/paper/cloth) I receive — from gifts, shopping, etc. If I don’t like the design, just flip them over and make it a plain bag. Maybe add some pins or badges to help make the bag more appealing for me to use.
2. Reuse, improvise, and be innovative in those reusing efforts — my dad is a big inspiration for this. I will never forget when I asked him for a laptop stand and he gave me an extra shoe rack to use instead. It. was. genius. Still use it till today. There’s plenty of suggestions and tutorials online for repurposing, and they can potentially turn into new hobbies that provide even more meaning to your life too! e.g. cooking, sewing, woodworking, etc — all very eco-friendly and fun too!
3. Observe and (do your best, at least, to) act on the excessive-use items at home. One possible TMI (but honestly it shouldn’t be TMI) example I can bring up is sanitary pads. I realise I buy a new pack every month, and it becomes incredibly wasteful. Plenty of new alternatives are now on the market to address this issue, with menstrual cups being the most popular. I will be first to admit that I still am hesitant about using them, and still prefer non-intrusive pads. Thus, I opted for cloth reusable pads. While they don’t entirely replace my period tools — I still use disposable pads depending on the flow — it drastically reduces the use of those disposables. And like cloth bags, they are not sustainable if bought in bulk or changed regularly, so I just have 2 to rotate every now and then. It’s not zero-waste, but it’s a definite reduction for sure. And for me, that’s enough to live a life with less anxiety and regret.

In conclusion, clearly, finding meaning is very much a multifaceted, multidimensional effort that requires a great deal of commitment and intention. We can start with small incremental changes in how we order our days, who we hang out with, and how we want to frame our future goals. Just trust in the process, and keep that drive alive. Keep a journal or gratitude log, talk about your feelings with others, find some way to keep yourself accountable and conscious of this need to find meaning in each and every day. Trust me when I say you will eventually come to realise that there is so much worth living for :)